Long Gone

i tear myself apart in hopes to feel

in hopes to rid this pain

but when the harshness of life becomes too real

i never truly have anything to gain.

this hurt within me won’t go away 

it drags me down and beats me up

sometimes i think it’s here to stay  

sometimes i think i’m without any luck.

and when life is too much for me to take

i look through that drawer for my old friend 

when i grow tired of all this pain and ache

i slice myself open and say this is the end.

i haven’t give up yet no not quite 

i still hold onto things in my life

i still hold onto that bit of fight

even if my wrist just kissed a knife.

i wonder what people think

when they find out what i do when i’m alone

do they judge me before they can even blink

or do they wonder what other secrets i haven’t shown.

they look at me and shake their head

while whispering to their friends 

they probably just wish i was dead 

that would be how my story would end.

a broken girl with scarred up arms 

and a voice that cracks 

a hurting girl who set off no alarms 

one who had a mind that couldn’t relax.

i lay in bed contemplating the things i’ve done 

wondering what is best for the long run

my fingers trace the fading scars 

as my eyes gaze upon the shining stars.