i tear myself apart in hopes to feel
in hopes to rid this pain
but when the harshness of life becomes too real
i never truly have anything to gain.
this hurt within me won’t go away
it drags me down and beats me up
sometimes i think it’s here to stay
sometimes i think i’m without any luck.
and when life is too much for me to take
i look through that drawer for my old friend
when i grow tired of all this pain and ache
i slice myself open and say this is the end.
i haven’t give up yet no not quite
i still hold onto things in my life
i still hold onto that bit of fight
even if my wrist just kissed a knife.
i wonder what people think
when they find out what i do when i’m alone
do they judge me before they can even blink
or do they wonder what other secrets i haven’t shown.
they look at me and shake their head
while whispering to their friends
they probably just wish i was dead
that would be how my story would end.
a broken girl with scarred up arms
and a voice that cracks
a hurting girl who set off no alarms
one who had a mind that couldn’t relax.
i lay in bed contemplating the things i’ve done
wondering what is best for the long run
my fingers trace the fading scars
as my eyes gaze upon the shining stars.