Monday, June 1, 2015

Mirror Mirror

mirror mirror on the wall,
why do the pretty girls have it all?

the looks the boys the family the friends,
why can’t i be just like them?

nobody likes me nobody cares,
but if i was pretty they would i swear.

they have it so good so great you know,
while i’m over here with nothing left to show.

i must have done something wrong,
otherwise i wouldn’t be this sad for this long.

maybe if i was pretty people who notice,
that i’m lost, hurting, and hopeless. 

maybe if i was pretty my life would be better,
if only i was pretty maybe i wouldn’t wish my life to be over.

June 1st - Today's Thoughts in Words

i’m on my deathbed,
with millions of things running through my head.

somebody shoot me i’m begging you,
stop all this pain that i’m going through.

i just can’t take it anymore i can’t take all this,
i hate the way i feel as if i’m in a bottomless pit.

i tear myself apart in hopes to feel alive,
but its done nothing but make me want to hide.

i watch the blood drip down my arm,
i never meant to cause all this harm.

my heart it aches, my head it spins,
this game i’m playing, i give up, you win.

i can’t focus today and not tomorrow,
when will i be happy and end all this sorrow?

i’m tired of feeling the way i do,
i wish i knew what was wrong with me i wish i had a clue.

someone release me from this pain,
i have had nothing that i could gain.

but scared up wrists and a broken smile,
can’t you see i haven’t been happy in such a long while?

don’t worry about me,
you have so many better people to meet and places to be.

i’m worth nothing and people don’t care,
all i want is somebody to be there.

but i push them away and away,
and now it looks like that’s where they’ll stay.

distant and far from the person i am,
who can blame them, not even i can.

nobody will love a girl like me,
broken and scared is all i’ll ever be.

i’m fat and ugly in every way,
i don’t see the point in living yet another day.

my arm stings and burns, 
i can’t help but to think this is what i deserve.

this is who i am mom and dad, i hope you’re proud,
it won’t be long until i’m buried in the ground.

i can’t hold on any longer to this life,
i think it’s about time i made use of that knife.

after all since you left me its the only thing that makes me feel,
my body has been numb and nothing seems real.

sometimes i look up at the dark starry sky,
and wonder if you’re looking down on my from up so high.

now that you’re gone i wanna go too,
to say i love the life i’m living just wouldn’t be true.

i don’t have much left in me,
so let me die just let me be.

they say broken hearts have the power to kill,

i’m here to tell you i think mine will. 

Sunday, May 31, 2015

Long Gone

i tear myself apart in hopes to feel
in hopes to rid this pain
but when the harshness of life becomes too real
i never truly have anything to gain.

this hurt within me won’t go away 
it drags me down and beats me up
sometimes i think it’s here to stay  
sometimes i think i’m without any luck.

and when life is too much for me to take
i look through that drawer for my old friend 
when i grow tired of all this pain and ache
i slice myself open and say this is the end.

i haven’t give up yet no not quite 
i still hold onto things in my life
i still hold onto that bit of fight
even if my wrist just kissed a knife.

i wonder what people think
when they find out what i do when i’m alone
do they judge me before they can even blink
or do they wonder what other secrets i haven’t shown.

they look at me and shake their head
while whispering to their friends 
they probably just wish i was dead 
that would be how my story would end.

a broken girl with scarred up arms 
and a voice that cracks 
a hurting girl who set off no alarms 
one who had a mind that couldn’t relax.

i lay in bed contemplating the things i’ve done 
wondering what is best for the long run
my fingers trace the fading scars 
as my eyes gaze upon the shining stars. 

The Things You Said

you said I was your shooting star,
and said I was the most beautiful thing you had ever seen.

you said that I’d go far,
and would continue to be the brightest star to ever gleam.

you said I made you smile,
and could improve your mood in no time.

for you I would run miles,
because I was truly honored to call you mine.

your touch captivated me,
and I would get lost in your eyes.

I want you to be free,
but you have to understand it’s just so hard to say goodbye.

I miss our late night talks,
and the way you made me feel.

I miss our hand holding walks,
and how it was all so real.

but I know you’re in a better place,
and that your soul is finally at peace.

for there’s nothing greater than God’s grace, 
from the pain and suffering you have been released. 

you know I’ll always miss you, you know I’ll always care,
and there is one thing that from this day forward I vow,
to cherish our love like war I swear,
and to love for the both of us now. 

And Now, I'll Live for Both of Us....

there once was a story about a broken one and a lost one.
both leaned onto one another for strength and hope.
but the lost one was just too far gone,
and now the broken is left alone to cope.

why, she asks, why’d you leave me?
her silent cries echo throughout the night,
praying to god that he’d give her the strength to fight.

now the broken was shattered.
pieces lay scattered on the bathroom floor,
as she painted a pretty picture with a locked bathroom door.

she bled and bled while shaking her head.
this wasn’t happening it couldn’t be true,
she sat there wishing she would’ve had a clue.

more tears were shed,
more blood was bled.
she just couldn’t shake the thought,
that her little angel was gone and dead.

little did she know the lost one was watching her,
from the sky-high heavens above. 
sending down her gentle touch and soothing smile, 
like a graceful young dove.

day after day she started to crack.
now the broken was lost too,
but without the voice of her little angel to lead her back.

confused and hurt she picked up the gun,
and lifted it to her head,
but her little angel came back down,
and to her lost one this is what she said:

shh shh it’ll be okay. 
you will live to see another day.
stay here and darling put down the gun,
you only have a few more hours until you see the sun.
i know it must hurt and i’m sorry i had to leave,
but please just try to breathe.
i’ll always be here by your side,
you might not see me but i’ll be here for the ride.
so don’t you worry don’t you stress,
get out of bed and now go get dressed.
you’re beautiful to me in all that you do,
there is not a single thing that you can’t get through. 
your eyes they shine alive and bright,
so open them and show people their light.
your touch is soft and gentle as a dove,
there aren’t enough words to express my love.
stay strong my love and never forget,
your story isn’t over darling, no not yet. 

the lost one’s words spoke to the broken,
as she lowered her hand and dropped the gun.
and just as she had said,
up came the sun.

the broken walked outside to admire it’s light,
and strived to shine just as bright.
as that big ball of fire up in the sky,
for she knew it was not her time to die.

so she stood tall and carried herself strong,
the ride was to be good, good and long.
as she looked up to her angel without wings,
she smiled thinking of what tomorrow brings.

she whispers something to herself every day,
it’s quite simple you see so don’t you fuss. 
the broken says to the lost,

and now i’ll live for both of us. 


Words sting.

They leave a lingering pain that never seems to fade. They grow in time and their mark leaves a heavy scar. Those around us say words, lots of them for that matter. On occasion their words can hurt, and it can seem as if you had been stabbed with a dagger in just the right place to cause you so much pain. 

We can be deceived by people’s words and fall victim to the things they say. We can believe what rolls off their tongue and be scarred by it once again. Billions of words, yet we choose the ones that sting. Why? Why are we enticed by the words of evil and not the wise? 

Words are like bullets that are spit out of the mouths of the wicked. They come hurling at you and you are left defenseless, unable to retaliate. All this talk about others words toward you yet they mean so little. Yes, they can leave a scar, but the word that you tell yourself have the power to tear you apart from the inside out. 

Self hate will lead to self harm. Thinking you’re fat will lead to starving and purging. All these thoughts that echo in your mind are reflecting in a physical manner if not stopped. So why don’t we stop them? Problem is, it’s the mind we are talking about. 

The mind is deceptive and has learned the ways of masking what is going on inside. It has learned how to put up a front so that those around you, the ones who throw words as well, are unable to see what is truly going on - going on inside your mind. When one takes the step to turn the thoughts into physical action it becomes a different scenario. 

Enough about this though, don’t you get it? Words destroy you. 

But theres’s a catch, there always is. When used correctly words have great power to do good. To encourage others and build yourself up instead of tearing you down. When good things roll off your tongue, the proper use of words is shown. When hatful things roll off your tongue, the destruction begins.